Played cards for the first time in a month last night. I went broke recently. I made 40K last year playing cards. I lost my whole entire roll (about 20K) from Sept 25th-Dec 25th. I lost about 15K of it playing Omaha (5-10), big PLO games. Running really bad, not getting hands to hold, chasing, etc. I lost around 5K betting football (the devil).
I quit my job as a salesman to play cards. It's always been my passion. Every single day I train poker. Alec Torrelli, Bart, John Little have helped my game so much. I was traveling everywhere playing Hold Em, doing really well. It was so stressful during my downswing, it was almost in some sort of sick fuck way a relief to go broke!
I went from playing 5-10 Hold Em at the Wynn, winning over 10K in 3 sessions, to buying in for 50 dollars last night at 1/2 in a small club in Melbourne, FL. People asked me what I did for a living, it was pretty humiliating, because I'm unemployed and broke. I chased my dream & had to learn the hard way about BR management. It was very humbling. I just recently moved to Florida in a house w/ my parents for change, I'm looking for work so I can get back in the game. I feel so low & even struggled w/ suicidal thoughts before I went on medication. I'm 26, unemployed, associates degree, & looking for a way to bounce back out of this rut. I didn't go broke bc I wasn't a good player, I made careless, impulsive decisions. Tried to ball before I crawled. Ran bad, started chasing, etc. I'm really looking for a backer, or someone to stake me, but I brought this on myself and this had to happen in offer for me to succeed in future. I'm gonna have to crawl out of this on my own. I truly believe everything happens for a reason.
I'm in for 50 and 100 deep. I limp 88 UTG +2, limps around to BB, who's a LAG who just sat down, he's on tilt, down 3K on the day. He's raising 75% of hands. He makes it 17, one caller. About 40 out there, I either have to fold or shove (not deep enough to call). I chose to shove, even though I know I have little fold equity, I think I have the best hand. I have a very tight image. LAG players call 104$ total w/ A9 off. K.9.2 run out. And I'm felted. I know this is a high variance play, I usually would like a better spot. Especially after folding for 3 hours. Is there anything I can do here? Should I just muck & wait for a better spot?
I know it's embarrassing posting this. Going from buying in for 500-1000, to being so broke I bought in for 50. I love deep stacked poker. But I like to think I'm a solid short stack player, deiscions are easier.
Thoughts?. On any of this? I'm really just venting. Thanks for reading.