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Calling all Joneseys

SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
edited October 2019 in NLHE Strategy Discussion
Feeling a little under the weather today and could really use a @jonesey “mr Rogers goes the Vegas” story to pick me up. Hand history is optional, but don’t skimp on the jonesey-esque back story (food you ate, cocktail you drank, girl you squired, tourist you gamed, asshole you put in his place). Help a brother out, Jonesey...


  • SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
    edited October 2019
    @CycleV lmao soliloquies / tirades also appreciated.
  • ds2uaredds2uared Posts: 464Subscriber
    I got your back. I have been drinking, so this is the perfect time to share.

    Mid-2000's. Poker boom is happening errrrrverywhere. I play in Florida where, at the time, live games only allow $100 buy-in at any given time. Because, of course, and so therefore, you see.

    At the time, I was playing with my Iranian friend (nationality irrelevant, sure, but it sets the mood) and my fiancée (Indian girl, once again, a mood setter) at the time pretty regularly. The first time I ever moved to a $2/$5 table, I thought I was in over my head. I called with 78o preflop ($100 max, remember) flopped the nut straight, and tripled up. I thought I was a God.

    Couple months later, my fiancée and I and my Iranian friend show up to the $2/$5 table. $100 max, remember. There is at least $5k on the table, spearheaded by this Einstein sort of poker bro. Boy, he's fucking smart like us CLP subs are; you know, without peer. And his unheralded abilities have obliged him a stack of $1,400.

    2 hands after sitting down, he's racking up his ess. "What are you doing?," says I.

    "I'm going to take my chips and leave this place now," says he. $1,400 in chips, it seems.

    "I'll be effed in the butt H if you are. What are you drinking, sir?"

    He hesitated. Then he took a stack of reds back out of the rack.

    $100 max, remember.

    "Heineken," says he. It turns out he drinks Heineken. Do you know what a Heineken cost me in the mid-2000's in Florida?

    Negative $1,394.

  • SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
    edited October 2019
    Lmfao ds2uared. Moral of the story: don’t drink Heineken. Stick to cheap domestics. Those hundo max FL games must have been insane. Thanks for the laff, bro!
  • FuzzypupFuzzypup Posts: 2,575Subscriber
    MTT in NC era 2008

    I'm in the BB. This is 2/3rds of the way through the donkament MTT.

    UTG is a nit and raises on the larger side. Super nice guy. Donk lag shoves all in around 3x the raise. He shoves when he has a small pair but normally raises everything else. Rest fold to UTG who sighs and folds.

    Me - "WTF did you fold to that guy?!?!

    Nit - "AK"

    Me - "Why? You are getting ~2.3:1, it's only 20% of your stack. You are winning half the time?"

    Nit - "I know but he has a pair and he is ahead"

    mind blown.

    Thanked by 1Superfly
  • SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
    Lol, thx, @fuzzypup. There are more Jonesey’s in this forum than I realized!
  • CycleVCycleV Posts: 1,196Subscriber
    Here's a story from my earliest days grinding 1/2:

    Last night a rich kid, I've never seen him but the bosses know him, sat down and the whole table went nuts. He immediately dropped 200 with a dumbass bluff, rebuys and gets it back with an "I haven't looked yet I'm AI pre" angleshot with AK. He tilted a decent player with huge blind raises and stacked him with some lol hand that made trips. Then he's in BB, gets a call telling him he's late to a dinner date. So he says last hand, he has to leave and is going to blind raise for 150. Bunch of limps, naturally he raises blind, tells everyone to hurry up he has to go, then puts his remaining $300 in a rack and runs to the cage to cash out his remaining 300. The guy he stacked is on massive tilt, like fry an egg on his head tilt, he calls, I get the floor (obv) to insist the 300 stays on the table, which it does. Q72 monotone flop, rich kid shoves for the 300, other guy calls with T4, no FD, and pairs the 4 to take the $900 pot.
  • CycleVCycleV Posts: 1,196Subscriber
    Overhead outside my local casino, woman showing photos on her phone to some guy: "this is Maria, she's really great. i met her in jail..."

    And one other story from the early days. (I'm looking through my old, long since abandoned personal containment thread from another site.)

    Guy on my left is a semi-reg, known degenerate gambler. Since 1/3 is the only NLHE in the room, some of the bigger action junkies constantly get up and play some baccarat or something for 20 min before coming back for an orbit or two. The rule is 3 missed BB and you're picked up, cuz there's always a wait list for the game. But we are actually telling the dealers not to give him the missed BB button cuz he's so good for the game. Eventually he comes back, shows me a screenshot on his cell, he just won about 3500 at roulette. A couple hands later, I've got TT and make it 20 over a couple of limps, he looks at his cards, grabs a random amount of his chips, about half of his 180 stack. Turns out to be a 3 bet to 80. Folded back to me, I shrug and have that "whaddaya gonna do" look on my face, announce all in. He gets the rest of his chips in the middle. I show him TT, he makes a hilarious groan. Flop is AQJ. Worst. Flop. Ever. I have to be behind. Turn is another ace, river is another queen, board is AQJAQ. I'm playing the freaking board...and he turns over 84o for a chop. Funniest thing I have seen in weeks, everyone gets a huge laugh (including hero, cuz whaddaya gonna do).
  • SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
    As always, good yuks, @cycleV. Esp like the red flag relationship builder “this is my friend. I met her in jail.”

    Hope Mr Tilty gave you some of the pot you helped build. Quick thinking on your part. I assume you weren’t even involved in the hand but jumped in to save the day out of an exemplary sense of fairness, respect for rules, and an universally understandable desire to see maniacal whales who try to hit and run lose absolutely everything.

    Feeling a lot better today. But where is @Jonesey?
  • SuperflySuperfly Posts: 591Subscriber
    edited October 2019
    Here’s one in return and appreciation for the support in my time of need.

    I have a super power. Really. And its quite useful at the poker table, since it forces opponents to make desperation hero calls. They can’t help themselves. In my game it’s called the “super clap” or the “sonic clap.” Whenever I get a big bluff through, I clap my hands hard and (maybe because they are big and meaty) the sound resonates loudly around the poker room, drawing attention. I usually also say something along the lines of “Thanks for the chippies!,” which is just standard Midwest politeness in my book.

    Over the years I have had many people tell me the only reason they called me was because they didn’t want to hear that obnoxious, gloating clap and refrain. Try it some time.

    I also have a magical verbal spell that achieves the same thing. Here’s how to do it: Give your opponent who’s considering a good fold a haughty look and arrogant smile and angrily utter the magic incantation: “Muck it, bitch.”

    Note: while my game is casino based, the player pool is pretty fixed and we all know and like each other. Although I am known as the “worst winner in the room,” such shit talk is expected and generally appreciated, and adds to the overall hilarity and chaos of a great, sociable game. The table esp. loves it when someone uses my lines against me. So no harm, no foul. Although the occasional newcomers usually look a little shell shocked midway through their first session.
    Thanked by 2Steveo76 CycleV
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